Monthly Archives: July 2014

Lesson #12: You’re in there now.

7/31/14.

You know how, a few days ago, I said it’s time to start being honest with yourself?

Well.

I’ve come head to head with denial, and today, I’ve finally decided to accept something:

Life does not slow down from here.

I’ve been waiting for the moment my life will slow back down; the day I can catch a break,

or better yet, my breath.

When I’m away at school, I live for the month my life will finally slow down.

My forever awesome YouTube fans know I’m infamous for the line:

“It’ll be easier to make videos the summer.”

Then, it’s summer.

Then I’m working and busy catching up with friends and praying for the week I can just magically have time to relax, or do what I need to do.

Then after that doesn’t happen, please God, just give me a day.

But even when I am granted this one, perfect day,

I still can’t sit still for one moment.

And I think it’s bad now?

In two years I’ll be out of college, with my first real job. Or a movie contract. Or a record deal. Or a successful book series. Or traveling. Or on a talk show. Or all six.

Then, I’m going to get married. And have a kid. Or three.

And then, maybe if I’m still alive and breathing I’ll have time to sit in a rocking chair and read a book for five minutes before I kick the bucket.

Maybe this is it.

Maybe this is life.

And I’m going be honest here again.

Maybe… this is just the way I like it.

Well, actually.

Not really.

I’m actually terrified.

As I type this, I’m like, basically on the verge of a panic attack.

But.

I have made the decision to be brave enough to just fully and excitedly accept the fact that life will not slow down from here, and I am just going to have to learn to enjoy it.

It’s the scariest, loveliest, thrilling, most stressful, wonderful thing.

This is life, and all it’s mine.

Maybe I’m wrong.

Maybe life does slow down.

But that’s not happening anytime soon.

So I’m just going to go with it.

Day Twelve.

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Lesson #10: Coming together reminds you that…

7/29/14.

Tonight, I had a kick-ass time at the Fall Out Boy and Paramore concert with my two really good friends. I mean, honestly, there’s never anything not fun about good live music, dancing until the stars come out, and watching sloppy drunks fall over each other (as long as they aren’t close enough to spill beer on you).

I could pass on the traffic and $15 hot dogs, though.

I didn’t know every song, I still don’t know every band member’s name, I wasn’t drunk, or high, or with a big group of friends.

Before you get to thinking, “Why was she even there.”

I’ll tell you why.

Because I live for moments like these, and I had forgotten that until now.

It’s amazing what happens when people come together.

Not only are the two bands phenomenally talented (I mean, like, really really good), but they had the power to bring all of these people together. Here, for one night.

When is the last time you were surrounded by a group of people, and you actually just looked around?

Looked at all the people gathered there, around you? With you? All the bodies, the faces, the energy?

Maybe I’m getting at something else here.

Not just looking, but appreciating.

Society has us eating out of its palm, celebrating and worshipping our individuality. You are unique. You are different. There is nobody like you.

This is true.

But like I said, I had forgotten, until now.

Maybe, sometimes, the idea of being an individual gets to be too much pressure. It gets lonely. It gets too much to bear. Sometimes, we just honest to God need a break from ourselves. We need to temporarily step away from our own little worlds, our own lives. We need to step away from our corner, and step outside.

Sometimes, it’s comforting and reassuring to be reminded that we aren’t just one, but we are many.

Yes, we are individuals.

It’s kind of awesome.

But what may be even more powerful than that, is that we are all the same. We are all just… here.

We’re all living and surviving and breathing.

I can’t put my finger on it, but there’s just something beautiful about a group of people coming together.

…And the old man completely rocking out by himself in front of you.

Side note: He was honestly my hero. These are LITERALLY my favorite kind of people. (DIDN’T GIVE TWO FUX WHAT ANY OF Y’ALL HATERS WERE THINKING ABOUT HIM)

These are the nights that remind you.

These are the moments to live for.

These are times that are telling you, that are screaming to you,

there is a bigger, better world outside of yourself.

The crazy thing is,

These are the moments that happen every day.

But we just let them slip by.

And we shouldn’t.

So, I guess my lesson of the day is, appreciate the much overlooked and underrated beauty in numbers. The power in numbers. The magic in numbers.

It’s around you every day, dude.

But my question of the day is…….

…Who gets this out of a concert?

I laugh at myself sometimes.

I’m telling you, it’s something about music, man.

Day Ten.

her favorite moments

Lesson #9: You don’t lose yourself by letting go.

7/28/14.

Sometimes, you are scared to let go because you are scared you are going to lose a piece of yourself forever in what you are leaving behind.

You are scared you won’t get that piece of yourself back. You are scared of being left empty-handed. You are scared it won’t ever be the same, that you won’t ever be the same.

But the minute you let go, you are free.

The minute you let go, you are getting that piece of yourself right back.

Because the truth is, it never left.

You only shed what was no longer necessary.

You were there all along, and you always will be.

The truth?

You aren’t letting yourself go.

You are winning yourself back.

And what’s so bad about that?

Day Nine.

Lesson #7: Be honest with yourself.

7/26/14.

The moment you begin to truly honor yourself and care about yourself,

is the moment you are truly honest with yourself.

Be honest with yourself.

This does not mean everything will be perfect. This does not mean everything will fall into place. This does not mean every one will understand. This does not mean that every one will love you. Or respect you. Or be happy with you. Or for you.

This will be one of the hardest things you do in your life.

This will be one of the scariest things you do in your life.

And this will be one of the most rewarding things you do in your life.

You won’t be constantly hiding behind lies, or crouching in corners, or looking over your shoulder.

This will be real.

This will be liberating.

This, will be freedom.

This is loving yourself.

This is true cherishment of your mind, body, and soul.

This is a lesson I hope to learn over and over.

And I can only hope the same for you.

Ryan Gosling says so.

The Notebook.

Day Seven.

 

 

 

 

 

#6: Growing up? Or Growing Down?

7/25/14.

The number one topic of conversation the past three days— I’ve counted— has been growing up.

Normally, it tends to slip into conversation.

But lately, it is the conversation.

No wrinkles or gray hairs, but nevertheless, I’m starting to feel it.

The questions have progressed from “Where are you going to school?” to “Where are you going to move after college?” From, “What’s your major?” to “What do you plan on doing with it?” From, “What are you doing for the next four years?” to “What are you going to do with your life?”

As end-of-the-summer crunch time approaches, I’ve seen a lot of friends the past three days, and it’s actually all we’ve talked about.

You think I’m kidding.

“I haven’t seen so-and-so in two years.”

“Oh, she has a baby now.”

“She’s engaged.”

“I pay for my own bills now.”

“I don’t even know what I’m doing and I graduate from college… this year.”

Even talks of marriage.

Last week, I had to turn on utilities for the first time ever. Have you ever done that? It’s actually terrifying.

I almost had a heart attack today thinking about the fact that we are halfway through college, when I swear I was just eating ramen noodles in my freshman year residence hall two days ago.

Really, it’s been the topic of conversation the past three years. But lately, it’s different. It’s not fear, or anxiety, like your first day of high school, or college move-in. It’s not excitement, like your first college party or high school graduation. It’s not really a sadness either. It’s just… happening.

Sometimes, I want to tell high schoolers complaining about their work load, or what prom dress they’re going to choose, “Are you kidding me?”

And I know people ages 25 and up reading this  want to tell me, “Are you kidding me?”

I’m not saying other phases of growing up aren’t as accurate or real.

But what I’m saying is that they are just different phases of growing up, and they are just as accurate and real.

What I’m saying, is that they are stages.

They are steps.

And this is the step I am on.

This is the stage I am currently in. And this is as real as it gets. To me.

And the stage you are in is just as real and existent and as true as any other stage.

The Real World.

This isn’t the first time we are doing this, growing up.

It’s not like we’re jumping from a five story building, or experiencing culture shock, or quitting our morning coffee routine cold turkey.

We’ve done this before.

And we can do it again.

Here is my lesson. My challenge.

We are growing up, but it doesn’t mean we have to grow down.

A lot of conversations on growing up, mostly between peers, can have a negative connotation. I lost count of how many times I have heard, “I wish things were like high school again” or “I wish I could go back to when-” or

I wish, I wish, I wish.

Hey, I miss those days too.

But we’re moving forward.

Look forward.

Rev Run once said, “Don’t look back unless you plan on going in that direction.”

We don’t have to grow down.

I’m not going to lie, like this sucks.

Honestly.

Sometimes, I just want to scream. I don’t want to ever have to turn on utilities again, and I sure as hell don’t want to start my car payments next month.

But.

There are so many cool things about to happen. Can’t you feel it?

Our lives are growing and embellishing and unfolding in new ways. How exciting is that?

We’ve been talking about all the things we are losing— but think of all the things we are gaining.

After all, growing up does contain the word “growing”.

Grow up, don’t grow down.

Keep finding wonder in the world around you. Keep learning. Keep loving. Keep using your imagination. Keep dreaming.

No matter what stage you are in, what step you are on:

Grow up. Go right ahead.

Day Six.

CS LEWIS