Monthly Archives: October 2014

Lesson #102: Figuring it out.

10/30/14.

A black cat shot out in front of me on my way to class today.

A boy turned to me and said, “Happy Halloween.”

After three hours of sleep, a last minute project that would drop and break two minutes later, and no coffee in hand—that is not how I wanted to start my morning.

I pray that my professors never find this blog, because I’d be in real trouble.

After staying up all night completing an assignment, I was frustrated. Actually frustrated. I started the project within a decent amount of time. I didn’t really procrastinate on it… really. Wasn’t it supposed to be easy?

Wrong.

It was 2am, and it was horrible. I had to construct a telephone. The project was falling apart. It didn’t look like a telephone. It didn’t make any sense. I climbed in bed. I fell asleep as fast as the project fell apart.

I set my alarm for 5am. I jumped up. I looked at my project again. I was mortified. I threw it out, and started something completely new. That idea was bad too. But at that point, I really didn’t care. I just wanted to get through the morning alive.

I did, barely.

I presented my project. Part of it was broken, from the drop onto the hard concrete that busted its edge on the walk over, after the cat. It was a horrible telephone. But my research was good. I think my professor noticed.

Or maybe not.

A similar situation happened later that day.

This is my life.

I was supposed to film a video.

Our original idea was good, in theory.

We went to film it.

It looked horrid.

So we changed it up.

It still looked horrid.

We decided we didn’t care.

‘We’ as in my team decided it would have to do, and I was once again frustrated because I had wasted a good portion of the past 24 hours creating things that turned out less than great.

We kept filming until it finally looked mediocre.

I’m still not sure what the lesson is.

That everything can’t be great? That you can’t get every thing right? That sometimes things will fall apart? That a black cat will run out in front of you, that your project will suck, and that you will have to try a million times before you get it right?

But what if you never do?

What’s the lesson for that?

I’ll tell you.

There is nothing worse than putting your all into something and having it fall apart, or turn out awful.

There is nothing worse than wasted time.

Oh, I’m not going to sit here and tell you there’s no such thing as “wasted time,” because that’s bullshit.

But.

I do think wasted time can be filled with valuable moments.

That is, if you choose to see it.

We can reconstruct things from the pieces that are left behind, that are waiting to be reassembled in a new way.

And if not, we can construct something new.

It may be even better the second time around.

It may not.

But at least it’s done.

And then you know what not to do ever again. You know not what to use, what to avoid, what works, what doesn’t. You know yourself a little bit more. How you react. How you function. How you are problem-solve.

Nothing is worse than wasted time.

But nothing is better than getting it done.

Than figuring it out.

That’s an accomplishment in itself.

Day 102.

Lesson #101: The grass is greener?

10/29/14.

The grass is always greener on the other side.

Really.

It’s just so pretty.

But in reality,

it’s just the way the sunlight is hitting it from where you’re standing.

When you hop the fence, it’s actually really shitty grass.

The kind that sinks when you step on it and gets your favorite shoes all muddy.

But that’s not the lesson.

The lesson is that the grass is greener on the other side, but you don’t know how true—or not true—that is until you actually step over and you find out for yourself.

I got my shoes a bit dirty.

But at least now I know.

Day 101.

Lesson #100: Celebrate small victories.

10/28/14.

Celebrate small victories.

Whether it’s finishing an assignment, checking something off of your to-do list, or completing your 100th blog post.

You’re one step closer.

Day 100.

Lesson #99: Burritos.

10/27/14.

Burritos from Sheetz at 2am is not a good idea. Ever.

Day Ninety-Nine.

Lesson #98: Strength.

10/26/14.

Today, someone very close to me lost someone very special.

I can’t even begin to tell you how heartbreaking it was; how heartbreaking it is.

She is grieving, like any person would do. You don’t need to know the details. Neither do I.

But this is what I do know.

In the face of something so agonizing and tragic, she managed to get out of bed and keep going.

I can’t really explain it to you, as much as I wish I could.

It was not some forced energy. She wasn’t forcing herself to be happy. She wasn’t forcing herself to be sad. She wasn’t convincing herself that she was going to be okay, or that she wasn’t. She just let herself be.

She managed to carry herself along. To cry, if she needed to. But smile, if she felt like it. To find a small light in the darkest of shadows. To be strong. A strength that I can’t capture on paper, or a computer screen.

It was genuine. It was graceful.

I don’t even feel like I have a right to write about this, because I have no idea what was actually going through her head. Even though I have lost loved ones myself, every loss is different. I have no idea what she was feeling, or thinking. But whatever it was, it was powerful. It moved me.

She told me a story. About how a certain memory was getting her through this. How it made her grateful. I don’t know what I would do. I think I would be selfish, and angry. I don’t think I would want to get through anything. I think I would shrivel up in bed.

But she is different.

Maybe she is just naturally, incredibly strong. Like her mom.

Maybe I can’t learn how to be this genuine, this graceful, this amazing. Maybe this kind of strength is inherent. But she set an example, and I can try.

It moved me.

She let herself be.

And maybe that’s one of the most powerful ways to be.

To just be.

It takes a special kind of strength to do that.

Day Twenty-Six.

“It’s not too late to start a new beginning” Guest Lesson by Rigoberto Juarez

Sometimes life gives you obstacles to overcome. As we live every day we encounter these obstacles in which we face. For some of us, these obstacles may be personal or external problems. As it goes, there is always a solution! Believe in YOU! There is an old verse which says: Every time you pray, do not pray for things to become easy. Instead, pray for better strength for overcome those problems. It is all in you.

We see people come and go in our lives. Sometimes we believe that we have found the right person. That she or he will be with us in the hard or good times. But it turns out that’s not it. What I am trying to say is that real people will stay by your side no matter what. You may not feel their presence, but they think of you. Just like the wind—you cannot see it, but you can feel it.

Today, I start a new beginning. 19 years, with wishes and desires inside me, waiting to be done. How about you? What have you accomplished today?

Overcome those problems; be optimistic!

“When you really want things to be done—the universe conspires for your will, for your desires to be done!” -The Alchemist by Pablo Coehlo

-Lesson by Rigoberto Juarez-

Lesson #97: Making everyone happy?

10/25/14.

Trying to make everyone happy comes at a price.

And you have to decide whether you are willing to pay it or not.

Day Ninety-Seven.