Day #148: Lessons need your consent.


It feels like everything in my life lately has come to this weird intersection that points me in the direction of saying “no.” Everything. For the first time in my life, I don’t want to be a part of something anymore—but I can’t bring myself to quit. I really don’t have time to take on another project, but I agree to help anyways. I don’t agree with what this person just said or did, but I stay quiet instead. I want to remove toxic people from my life, but it seems as if I invite them closer instead. I am constantly running into these road blocks, one right after the other. I keep hitting dead ends and cul-de-sacs and no outlets. It feels like every day, in some completely strange way, I am cornered into having to face this thing that I have yet to conquer. It feels like this lesson is rubbing itself in my face, time and time again, yelling “learn me! Learn me!”

But I ignore it.

I slap it away, I flick it out of my face, I push it to the side saying, “I’ll finally do it tomorrow.” And then I never do.

So no.

I didn’t come to tell you that I am now the master of “no” and “i can’t” and “i don’t want to.”

I’m just here to tell you that sometimes the lesson, is that you need to learn a lesson.

Slightly less climactic and a little obvious,

but hear me out.

How are you going to solve the problem if you don’t know what the problem is to begin with? Sometimes it’s about realizing that something in your life keeps re-appearing, and that it’s not good. Addressing the “Yeah, maybe I do need to think about this” feeling that keeps nudging at you. You actually have to ask yourself, “Well what’s the problem here?”

A lesson doesn’t get learned on it’s own.

It needs your consent too.

When you give yourself that answer, when you decide for yourself that you want to fix this,

that’s when you’ll be able to learn it.

And when you learn it—

when you allow yourself to learn it—

that’s when you’ll be ready.

It’s all up to you.

Day 148.


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