No one ever looked at me and thought something could be wrong. I was always the girl that was shy, the girl that was quiet, but I was happy all of the time nonetheless. That was all true, except there was something that no one knew about me. I didn’t even know this about me until fall semester of my junior year of college. I suffer from anxiety and depression. It all started when I was bullied in elementary school by a soccer coach. This led to low-self esteem and caused me to retreat back into my shell. Things were okay. I was living and wasn’t too worried. That all changed on March 13, 2014.
I was in Aruba when I got a Facebook message from my friend back home: one of my best friends from my soccer team had died in a car accident that day. I was numb. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to be home. I got home and didn’t talk to anyone. I retreated into my shell even further, and hid even more. How could she be gone? I was supposed to visit her at school two weeks later. I was in shock. I remained in shock until about August when it finally hit me. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, I wasn’t myself. My best friend at school begged me to get help. But I wouldn’t, I felt like this pain would last forever. I let the depression consume me. I hit rock bottom and got very close to ending things. My best friend (at school) literally saved my life and I am so thankful for him each and every day. I finally got the help and care that I needed and I am pleased to say that I am on the path back to being myself again.
I am here to tell you, that if you are going through this, it does get better. I know it doesn’t seem like it, I thought there wasn’t a light at the end of the tunnel—but I can promise you that there is. Talk to your friends, your family, anyone. They love you and care about you and want you to be happy. I was scared too. Depression and anxiety are illnesses just like the flu, they don’t mean that you are crazy. At all. I was scared people would look at me differently, but they didn’t. They respected me and were so proud that I went and got the care that I needed. So please, no matter how bad things get, just know that things WILL get better and you WILL get through it. This quote got me through the past 5 months and I hope it can help you too.
“There is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart… I’ll always be with you.” – A.A. Milne
Keep fighting. It’s a hard battle, but you can get through it. I did. I’m living proof that even when you think things will never get better, they can and they will, you just have to believe in it.
-Lesson by Anonymous-