Recently I have realized that everything in my life currently doesn’t go together. Being the natural perfectionist that I am, I began to feel like everything was spinning out of my control, and I started trying to fit the pieces back together. My major didn’t feel like it fit because it was what my parents wanted, so I forced myself to like it. I was unhappy with my sorority because I didn’t know how to be like those girls, but I forced myself to fit in. The guy I was seeing started to slip away because he was unsure about what he wanted, so I forced him to make a decision about our future together. Now, I have decided to change my major. The sorority I was supposed to love, is now something I am just skating by in until I can make the decision to stay or leave. The guy I was seeing has decided that he doesn’t really want to be with me as much as he said he did. And it seems like nothing is working for me anymore.
The truth is, I’m unhappy. I’m simply unhappy with the choices I’ve made, and the results of those choices. And I’ve noticed that sometimes, people have a tendency to react in this weird way when they’re unhappy with what’s going on around them. They withdraw from it all, or they screw around with it so much that there’s no fixing it.
This sounds like an absolutely horrible thing to have happen, but it’s honestly kind of interesting, watching your life spin out of your control. There’s something beautiful about it all that has me fascinated with how long I can last this way, with everything drifting around me.
Although I am unhappy, I’m not sad about the amount of change happening this very instant in my life, because I am learning from my mistakes. I have realized that you can’t make everything in your life work all the time, and sometimes you need to just let go of the reins for a minute and see where it all goes. Maybe it will work out, maybe it won’t. If it doesn’t, then you can worry about grabbing the reins again and working it out.
I guess what I’m saying is—it’s okay to see where things go, but don’t force something you don’t like to work or happen, because it won’t make you happy in the long run. It’s like that saying, “When life hands you lemons, make lemonade,” Except sometimes, we don’t want lemons. And we really don’t wan’t want lemonade. And we don’t have to justify why we’re making lemonade if that’s not what we really want.
We only get one life; please don’t waste it on fixing things that you might want to keep broken.
-Lesson by Anonymous-