I heard somewhere a long time ago that once people show you their true colors, you should believe them.
But whether you accept them or not is your decision.
Getting rid of toxicity in your life is hard. Getting rid of toxicity in your life is much, much harder when it’s someone you once cared for deeply, and for a very long time. I found myself going back to them time and time again, hoping and praying each time that the relationship would be restored. That it would be different. Or really, that it would just be the same.
It never was.
And tonight, when I was with them, there was this sinking feeling like I had never had any of the other times they stung me. It was almost a numbness. It didn’t hurt anymore, because I knew this was the end. I just knew in my heart that there was no going back.
I love hard.
I’m the kind of person who loves and loves, almost blindly. I want to trust people. I want to like people. And I don’t want to see the worst in them, even when it’s baring itself right in front of me.
I’m also selfish.
I don’t want to let things go. I want it to be the way it used to be, when things were good, because they’re still good… right?
But the truth is,
sometimes people change, and you have to let them go.
sometimes people show you their true colors.
And you have to believe them.
I knew I had to trust them less. I knew I had to distance myself.
But none of this was working—and now I know I need to just take them out of my life.
I don’t mean turning the cold shoulder, or ignoring them, or never speaking to them again.
By taking them out of my life, I mean taking them out of my heart.
It hurts. Like, haha, it hurts really bad. (Why do we laugh when something is uncomfortable, or when it hurts?)
I dial up my mom. She tells me that this is a part of growing up. This is maturing.
Being brave enough to say, “I can’t love every body. I can’t like everybody, and I won’t like everybody. But I’m going to deal with it. I’m going to make a decision that makes me happy. I’m going to make a decision so that I won’t be hurt by them anymore.”
You don’t have to provide an explanation. To yourself, or to them. When you continuously hit a wall of resistance, it’s there for a reason. Sometimes you just know it’s what’s best. And you don’t have to justify instinct. Be cordial. But be distant.
If someone asks?
“Things aren’t bad. Things are just different.”
She tells me that as we get older, it’s true; we must pick and choose whom we let and keep in our circles. Life is too short (and busy) for meaningless relationships.
Make room for more.
Don’t force yourself to keep hurting over someone who is already gone.
Stay true to your colors. And find those who do the same.