Lesson #288: Not this time?

5/5/15.

A really good friend taught me something tonight.

Without asking what I was hurting about—even though I think she knew—she helped me more than I think she realized.

She told me that one thing she has really learned how to do, and that has really helped her over the past few years, is to forgive.

Now, I’ve written one or two lessons about forgiveness before. And when she told me this, my first thought was immediately:

“I can’t. Not this time.”

But I’m sharing this with you because there’s something about what she said; something about her perspective and take on forgiveness, and the realness of it all that stuck with me.

“I forgave them because I’ve done it before too.”

She told me that she has learned how to forgive—basically because we’ve all been there. We’ve all done something crappy, or not so good, or not right. Maybe what the other person did is not the same as what you’ve done to them; maybe it’s different, or worse. But we have done wrong also, and we’ve been forgiven once before by someone too.

Next, she told me that some friends are not worth losing.

“When someone has been there for you so long, and when you’ve made mistakes and they’ve made mistakes, and you’ve seen each other at your worst and at your best—sometimes they’re not worth losing over something so small or ridiculous.”

I’m still processing it all; still figuring out how I feel. It feels like nothing will be the same. And maybe I don’t want it to be the same. Not right away, anyway.

But we can still forgive.

She told me that someone had to tell her before she believed it, so now she was telling me.

I guess I’ll do the same.

Now you know too.

For Danni.

Day 288.

 

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One thought on “Lesson #288: Not this time?

  1. Cherese Jackson

    As I’ve said many times before forgiveness does not mandate reconciliation so don’t confuse the two.

    Also consider the presence of conflict always gives room for relationship inventory. This process makes sure both you and those you are connected to are still in line with each other’s core values and mutual benefits.
    There’s nothing worse than remaining connected to people, places and things that no longer meet your needs.

    Conflict is defined simply as an opposition between characters or forces. The biggest mistake we can make when conflict arises is assume it means the end of the relationship. But in reality, conflict is a symptom, not a diagnosis. Often conflict is a sign there is something deeper that needs to be discussed.

    conflict has many sides that can actually be beneficial to both your life and development. As with most things, the question comes down to how you respond to it.

    So take a the facts surrounding the issue and consider and then reconsider whether the relationship should be saved, renegotiated or terminated. Be honest with yourself and don’t be afraid to redefine the connection and reevaluate your expectations based on who they’ve shown you they are.

    If you require more clarity you know how to reach me! ☺ ♡

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