Lesson #235: WARNING—FEAR OF STARTING.

3/13/15.

Spring break is coming to a close, and my study abroad-internship program in LA this summer is inching closer. I still have homework for next week that I need to get done, and a number (you don’t even want to know) of internships and scholarships that I need to apply to by this Monday. I have a book cover to design, a wedding shoot to plan, and a party to schedule.

As you can probably guess, I’m sitting here, doing nothing.

I wouldn’t call it procrastination.

But I do call it FOS.

Fear of starting.

You know—when there’s so much to do, that you don’t even know where to start?

You sit around, literally doing anything but what you need to do. You aren’t hanging out with friends, or out on the town. You’re inside. Ready to start working. You’re in front of your computer, at your desk. Your mind is thinking about the tasks, but you just can’t bring yourself to start. Staring at the pile of things to do in front of you is making you queasy and a bit light-headed. You think to yourself—was it the quesadilla from earlier?

No, not this time.

It’s FOS.

And I have it.

I feel like this always happens. This, is my life. Where do I start? Do I split it up over the course of a few days? Do I do it all in one day? Do I finish a little bit of this assignment, then a little bit of the next? Or do I finish one completely, and move on to the next?

My head is spinning. At this rate, nothing is ever going to get done. And I’m beginning to question if I’ll even finish this blog post.

I haven’t quite learned the cure to this. Much like FOMO, it’s recursive. It happens over and over, and we see it time and time again.

But for now, I guess all I can really say is this:

Just start.

Somewhere.

Literally, anywhere.

Pick it out of a hat. Spin around five times and put your hand on the closest paper. Tell your sister to pick a number. Flip a coin. Toss everything into the air and catch one.

Just take a stab at anything.

If you’re moving slow, you’ll get through those initial stages and pick up the pace.

If you don’t, then try starting at another place. You might find yourself focused on that task instead.

And if none of that works, then you’re SOL.

Take a break.

Come back to it in 10. or 5. or tomorrow.

But you gotta start somewhere, sometime.

Think about how great it will feel once it’s all over.

Treat yourself to a cookie, or ice-cream, sit down, and dive in.

Day 235.

Lesson #152: F.O.M.O.

12/20/14.

I have this condition called FOMO.

Fear of missing out?

You heard of it?

Well.

I do this thing where I try to make it to as much as possible, because I don’t want to miss anything fun, or good. If it means hopping from place to place, or re-arranging or rescheduling to make it to everything… I’ll be there.

The worst part about FOMO is that I’ll make myself go—even when I really just don’t want to.

I guess that doesn’t sound like a bad thing.

But the bad thing is, that I always convince myself by not going, I am boring, or lame, or missing out, or not living life to the fullest.

I make myself feel bad for not wanting to be there.

Because… I should, shouldn’t I?

I have no idea if any of you people can relate.

That’s the horrible thing about writing. Until you respond, it’s like I’m talking to a blank wall. For all I know—you could all be like “what the hell is this girl talking about?”

But tonight, I guess I just don’t give a damn.

I don’t want to go out. I want to sit in my bed and eat chocolate bars and Subway cookies and watch The Walking Dead. And I don’t want to feel guilty or saddened about it.

Because it’s what I want to do.

My nana is a pretty cool woman. I asked her if I was a “grandma” for not wanting to go out with my girlfriends. Or to my friend’s house. Or to see anyone for that matter. I didn’t have a reason not to. I just… didn’t.

She told me this.

“The world is going to keep spinning with or without you there. So you make your decision, and you be happy where you are.”

Pretty amazing.

So maybe the lesson is that. Or maybe the lesson is to forget the fear of missing out. Maybe it’s to not feel bad about doing you. Or maybe it’s all of these things wrapped up into one.

You will miss out. You can’t always be everywhere, and you won’t always want to do everything. The good news is that the world, fortunately or unfortunately, will keep spinning with or without you. So make your decision, and be happy where you are. Do you. And don’t feel sad or sorry about it.

Day 152.